Tonight, I saw something that I did not really expect to see and it was a scene that left me speechless. It was a moment of awakening and like a splash of freezing cold water to the face on a winters day.
Although to any other outsider who knows the situation somewhat, they would have seen it coming but I guess I intentionally left myself out of the loop. But still, it disarmed me to the extent that the only thing I could choose to do was to avoid.
Sure, the approach taken was somewhat crude and lack graciousness expected of a man. But hey, I am human too, so let me have the time of the day to myself, the way that I want to acknowledge how I felt.
What made it worse was the fact that I felt like a fool, well, not to be too beating myself about it but I think any other reasonable guy would feel the same were he in my shoes, perhaps except for Adrian (winkz). I can eventually accept the two of you together but please, do not in my face, act, or worse, pretend that everything is normal, fine and dandy, with all the innocence in the world.
Give me a little respect please. Even if I don't deserve it but maybe, just maybe, pretend that I do and should get some. What was your point of saying sorry? There is no way that anyone can heal it with just apologies.
Although to be fair, it is not hers nor his perogative to do so.
I just wanted to get home on the bus today but I got one of the biggest lesson here in Aust, it isn't pretty and the 'tuition' fee was much more than what I expected.
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On a separate note, I also found out tonight someone was just accommodating me for quite a while. I don't know what to say or feel about it.
The scars are still fresh and the wind still bites.
Can we ever go back to the good old days?
I wish we could.
Things happen.
We all make various choices earlier and the effects of those choices culminated to this day.
Is it bad or good?
I do not know.
Was innocence sacrificed?
Was there any in the first place?
We all put on masks.
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Am I still immature? Possibly so.
No wonder so many of the people at a party two days back were giving me strange looks.
"Haha, you fool."
Baka.
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1 comment:
Somehow it feels so weird that we often than not feel uneasy when we find out that ppl are accomadating us. Somehow we get hurt in the process. Dunno why... Maybe its an ego thing I guess... Have given it a tot but haven got an idea to it at all...
Even if u get to go back to the good old days, the scars are still there like deja vu that haunts u letting u know that somehow, somewhere sometime back u were once hurt, something that cannot be erased.
Juz like u... Some time back, I reason this out myself too.
I find out that ppl loves to put on masks.
Even me myself is wearing one. One that is put on ages back...
Now is somehow used to my skin liaoz, so sticky that it refuses to peel off at times.
Time when I am w/o my mask => Bedtime
(Oso known to be the most vunerable time)
Ppl put on mask to protect themselves. Or at least that is wat I see them out to be... Too innocent? Ahahaha...
Sad to say...
Everytime I write on my own blog, I feel that I am very immature cuz I feel that only childish ppl write out / tell ppl wat they are going thru...
Seems like the steorotyping of mature ppl hides their feelings is greatly a factor here...
I hate that. I simply hate that.
Why do u have to bottle up ur emotion? Why cant u be open & let ur emotions flow? Hmmm... Perhaps I am too immature to understand that...
I have frenz who act very mature in front of me & I cannot stand it. Which is why I always act cute back to spite them... Muahahahhaa... (But hey! then again who says I wasnt cute? There is no definition regarding aesthetics beauty... Haha...)
Mature or immature?
Is there anything wrong to it?
Good or evil?
How to tell?
(There are good people who has done misdeed and bad guys usually have a good heart. Conclusion?)
Dun complicate matter. Juz stick to wat u are.
(This is what I have been reminding myself everyday now.)
Welcome to the Baka Club! Membership free. :)
PS: Think my Ang Mo is deteriorating at an increasingly fast speed nowadays. Had some troubles understanding some of the stuffs u wrote sometimes... Haha... Got time muz xiang ni tao jiao tao jiao liaoz...
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