Why do I...

feel so vexed?

Just now.

This issue should have died off. I guess I have already cooled off considerably prior to the trip  thanks to exhortations from a certain friend but somehow my feelings was inflamed somewhat during the whole process. And I am now feeling positively like an idiot and yet at the same time pissed that I am neglected from the group just now (my perspective and its my feelings so I don't give a damn).

Why must she always do this to me, leaving me to pick up most of the work...and the fact that it leaves me positively feeling negative about some issues and all that intertwining iffy litle thing called friendship(s) ( I know I am not making sense here). Does this make me a justifiably pissed idiot then?

Okok the work part is about some silly little thing call some tri or quadruple uni games which happens to necessarily need to be held VERY SOON in another weeks time.  I only got the notice just a little bit before midnight when I called her and she in passing mentioned it to me WHEN she was at mutual friend's place tonight with the other members of the gang. Why do I feel jealous suddenly of a good friend? Sigh...Maybe its cos he seems flirty around her sometimes...and it bothers me that I am bothered about that. This is so very stupid cos there were very legit reasons for her to go there and its not even my end of the business to care.

Am I really a klutz? Am I really that stupid? Am I some sort of an undesirable leper? Why am I sometimes so jealous of others, for their gifts, for their natural ability to attract other attractive people, is it the power of positivity or something more about such people? How much longer can I keep on trying to play the role of a jealous sidekick in life ( there must be a reason why Robin didn't stick around with Batman for all that long).

I don't know. Am I normal? Do I have to wonder about myself constantly so much that it seems so very narcissistic? Why do I habour such a dark side? Perphaps I tend to take too much shit from others or even worse, create the shit and give it to other people to hurl it back at me at light speed.

Laterz, more rantz to come.

Stupid me.