Why do I...

feel so vexed?

Just now.

This issue should have died off. I guess I have already cooled off considerably prior to the trip  thanks to exhortations from a certain friend but somehow my feelings was inflamed somewhat during the whole process. And I am now feeling positively like an idiot and yet at the same time pissed that I am neglected from the group just now (my perspective and its my feelings so I don't give a damn).

Why must she always do this to me, leaving me to pick up most of the work...and the fact that it leaves me positively feeling negative about some issues and all that intertwining iffy litle thing called friendship(s) ( I know I am not making sense here). Does this make me a justifiably pissed idiot then?

Okok the work part is about some silly little thing call some tri or quadruple uni games which happens to necessarily need to be held VERY SOON in another weeks time.  I only got the notice just a little bit before midnight when I called her and she in passing mentioned it to me WHEN she was at mutual friend's place tonight with the other members of the gang. Why do I feel jealous suddenly of a good friend? Sigh...Maybe its cos he seems flirty around her sometimes...and it bothers me that I am bothered about that. This is so very stupid cos there were very legit reasons for her to go there and its not even my end of the business to care.

Am I really a klutz? Am I really that stupid? Am I some sort of an undesirable leper? Why am I sometimes so jealous of others, for their gifts, for their natural ability to attract other attractive people, is it the power of positivity or something more about such people? How much longer can I keep on trying to play the role of a jealous sidekick in life ( there must be a reason why Robin didn't stick around with Batman for all that long).

I don't know. Am I normal? Do I have to wonder about myself constantly so much that it seems so very narcissistic? Why do I habour such a dark side? Perphaps I tend to take too much shit from others or even worse, create the shit and give it to other people to hurl it back at me at light speed.

Laterz, more rantz to come.

Stupid me.

Back from Port Stephen

Back this evening.

It was pretty enjoyable overall. Spent loads of money I wouldn't have otherwise spend but for the heck of it I did.

Now currently wandering around in post holiday tramautic mood.

Confused with many things now, of some people around me I still don't get, of my university career, it looks deadset confusingly tangled; unsure of the value of some subjects I am taking.

Laterz.

 

Digicam and birthday

Just collected me new replacement (sobs...ouch) digital camera from Dale, who did a ery rushed shopping for me back in good ole Singapore *touched*.

Treating it as the most expensive birthday present I ever gave to myself...lalala. And oh, I turned a bloody 25 years of age just now...and still don't feel none the more mature for it. I still walk with an occasional kiddy skip in my step...does that mean I am still very childish?

And oh, I have made a wish that if I were to have a girlfriend, she must be like her...*drools*

*coughs* Happy Birthday to me!

Nippon name

My japanese name is 中島 Nakashima (center of the island) 翼 Tsubasa (wing).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

That's the Hanyu Pinyin one, here's the dialect one

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 直樹 Naoki (straight tree).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Kaname chan.....

Sighh...I have this tendency to fall in love with animes...think the real world is too bland sometimes. Which is somewhat ironic since the world of animes actually involve lots of bloodshed, tears, traumatising past or experiences, weird enemies etc. Whew.

Anyway, latest love is Full Metal Panic in all its installations, basically love it for the chemistry between Chidori and Sagara. I think I behave like Sagara sometimes, not knowing what to do in the company of females, except I am not a military fanboy otaku.

Its ok, Sagara can keep Chidori (dream girl), I can go for Tessa...wooooo.

Sad, I need a life.

Thumping headache

Got this little achy headache now...must be because there's still this assignment hanging over my head. Damn it...and I have still yet to see my flexipass tickets in the mailbox yet AND stupid ATM machine ate my card today for absolutely no reason at all. Luckily managed to get it sort out all within 45 minutes time. Amazing record for Aussie efficiency I tell ya. Although I have to wait till next week before a new card comes in.

Ha ha ha

From www.talkingcock.com:


CUM IN ME SINGAPORE
[Sung to the tune of Count On Me Singapore, alternate lyrics by Kok Kok Klan]

There is a new law for us to follow
Just believe, just believe
We must make love for Singapore
To make babies, to make babies
Boys and girls, let's do our part
Stand together, butt to butt
Our birth rate is getting low, and we must stop it
To make babies, to make babies

There is a need to know sex is good and ain't a sorrow
So let's drop our pants and do what Steve Chia died for
I ejaculated in your ass, it's a disaster Singapore shares
Stop oral and anal sex, oh horny you and me
Let’s make babies, let’s make babies

Cum in me Singapore, cum in me and on my ass no more

Boys and girls, don't poke your butts,
Fark together, test your luck
Our birth rate is getting low, and we must stop it
To make babies, to make babies

Chorus:
Cum in me Singapore, cum in me Singapore
Cum in me and on my ass no more

(Repeated Chorus)

Cum in me Singapore Singapore (FADE OUT)

And more are coming...

One down....

And one more major essay to go (plus one little tutorial journal)! I will conquer it! Thou shalt not SLACK!

Published letter on Today paper

I am amazed they actually published it. I even made some civilised insults in the original letter I sent, oh well, I leave it as it is.

I refer to the letter, "Give each S'pore family $500" (Today, May 31) by Mr Tan Kin Lian.
.
His call for Singapore's currency to be devalued is short sighted and reveals many fallacies of thought. More importantly, it does not consider the inflationary effects of such devaluation on the country.
.
There will be no magical rush in the numbers of tourists or a sudden rise in demand for our exports just because our currency is weaker.
.
Many factors are at play including the relative price elasticity of our goods vis-à-vis our competitors.
.
Our neighbours will always give more bang for the buck when it comes to tourist dollars — think beautiful natural beaches and friendly people, versus dour sales assistants at many of our shopping centres.
.
T** **** M***



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On an unrelated note, yeah got screwed by my groupmates for slacking...oh well, too bad, I got them the company to interview and they don't know how many hours I spent prior to the final part of the project just searching for the relevant articles so as to let them understand the industry. Sian. I am not a scholar material cos I choose to slack. How's that?

Natural bordom

From the princton career review:

Career interests

People with green Interests like job responsibilities and occupations that involve persuasion, sales, promotions, and group or personal contact. People with green Interests enjoy activities that include: motivating, mediating, selling, influencing, consensus building, persuading, delegating authority, entertaining, and lobbying. These Interests often lead to work in marketing, advertising, training, therapy, consulting, teaching, law, and public relations.



Career Style

People with yellow styles perform their job responsibilities in a manner that is orderly and planned to meet a known schedule. They prefer to work where things get done with a minimum of interpretation and unexpected change. People with a yellow style tend to be orderly, cautious, structured, loyal, systematic, solitary, methodical, and organized, and usually thrive in a research-oriented, predictable, established, controlled, measurable, orderly environment. You will want to choose a work environment or career path in which your style is welcomed and produces results.


By the way people, anyone who wants to make comments can just click on the timestamp at the end of each post.

Life's like that huh...

Read an email last night during one of my regular midnight hour internet surfings, an old time friend had died in a freak fire accident. It was in the news and of course gossip fodder for the tabloids.

I didn't really know what to feel or think, so I just picked up the phone and made calls across distances that usually takes seven hour by SQ planes. I hadn't seen that friend for more than a couple of years already and I have always been harping on to a mutual friend of ours that I would look them up whenever I go back for the holidays. But I didn't.

Cue those comments for life is like that, life is fated and blah blah blah...

The thing is, I didn't really feel all that sad but neither am I exuberantly excited (yeah that would be really perverse), but it did gave me a good excuse to make some calls back to inform some of our old mutual friends; just to hear familar voices for that comfort, to touch the distant memories, to reassure myself that there are some of those whom I care about are still around.

My friend did not have an easy life, well comparatively to her and most of my peers. She had a mind of her own and can be safely said to be obstinate with most things we disagreed on. But the last time I ever talked to her over the phone was really ages ago. With me coming and going away from Singapore, somehow I lose touch with some of the friends who didn't really deserve to be dropped, well, it wasn't on purpose, people drift away and I accept that. I hope, that for all her troubles and worries she had in her life before yesterday morning, that she did not at any point felt that she lived her life in vain, for she had left that little imprint on the hearts of her friends.

It's been done

Dear Mr Tan,

Thank you for choosing Ticketek, Australia's leading entertainment and sporting ticketing agency.

This email is to confirm tickets have been purchased for:

Event: Flexi-Pass
Date: Fri 11 - Sat 26 Jun 2004
Venue: State Theatre
Section: S10PASS
Row: -
Seats: -

Current status

Eyes tired, relying on massive doses of caffiene and sugar and that V to keep me going. The buses windows are all having a go at my head whenever I take the window seat...there's a reason why I wouldn't want to drive, I'll probably contribute to the accident statistics.

Two presentations to go and they are all happening this week...how did I ever let myself talk myself into doing this. Bleah. Sigh, should stop watching Shane's Kang Xi's dvd during the next one month.

Hmm.....

One day on msn messanger:

Another stupid love song to Clairvoyant Wanderer: do u ever know this guy who got caught/gave himself up?

Clairvoyant Wanderer to Another stupid love song: nope.

Another stupid love song to Clairvoyant Wanderer: interesting

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A day later got this from the mail from Clairvoyant Wanderer:

out of curiosity... a New Paper reporter called me today, local HP number, so I think he's actually in Sydney. Guy by the name of Tse Kai, fishing for comments, local feel, etc. I told him I had no comments, didn't know who the accused was (outright lie, btw.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nice eh. I have been relegated to the likes of journalists.

P.S: No, Shane, it is not CB.

From the Business Times today

EDITORIAL


Published May 28, 2004

Asia's energy opportunity

SOARING oil prices are an opportunity for Asia to work out a long-term energy strategy.

It would not be wise to look to the West for inspiration. The United States is not doing much to reduce its dependence on oil. Given its ease of access to oil supplies from existing and developing sources, Washington is unlikely to break with its current oil-centred energy policies. Europe is more proactive in discouraging oil use through high taxes, but it too enjoys proximity to considerable energy sources. It is linked to energy-rich Russia by pipelines and has North Sea resources as well.

By contrast, Asian nations are forced to pay a premium for their oil imports, 70 per cent of which come from the Middle East. The Asia-Pacific region imports about two-thirds of the oil it consumes and demand is forecast to grow by 1.1 million barrels per day to about 23 million barrels this year. For a region that contains more than half of the world's population as well as some of its fastest growing economies, a transition towards lower dependency on fossil fuels should be a top priority.





So, it is heartening to see signs of meaningful cooperation among Asian nations emerging. Five of Asia's leading economies have agreed to work together in the current energy environment. At a forthcoming meeting in New Delhi, Japan, China, India, South Korea and the Philippines will discuss how to create and operate a strategic stockpile as well as press Middle East exporters to discard the premium charges levied on their imports. South Korea, which announced the new cooperation plan at the International Energy Forum in Amsterdam earlier this week, believes the arrangement will have a fighting chance of success since it will be an effort entirely by oil importers, unlike the larger regional forums that host both buyers and sellers.

But even larger forums are striving for shared solutions against the backdrop of rising oil prices. For instance, last week, the 22-member Asia Cooperation Dialogue in Manila decided to take the first steps towards building up oil stockpiles.

At the moment in Asia, only Japan and South Korea have stockpiles of any worthwhile size. Japan has 160 days' supply. China and India are just starting to build up their own. However, it will be expensive to build stockpiles now, and countries contemplating doing so will not only have to pay dearly but may also push up market prices further - although they may have no choice but to press ahead anyway.

But this group of large consumers must think beyondtheir current strategies. Stockpiles and new oil exploration can only be short-term answers. The western growth model they have embraced requires a huge amount of oil at competitive prices to sustain it.

Talent

Without good prospects of cheap oil supplies long into the future, the time has surely come to consider measures that have been dismissed as utopian or unworkable thus far in the West. Renewable energy research has already made small inroads into Asia. India is the leader but still meets only 3 per cent of its energy needs in this way. Obviously, the region needs to emulate the bold approach the Japanese have taken. Tokyo has cut its reliance on imported energy since the 1970s to 40 per cent of its energy needs as Japanese companies use more nuclear power and liquefied natural gas. Its car companies have introduced hybrid-engine cars, such as Toyota's Prius. China is planning a huge expansion of its nuclear power programme. Like Japan, it has also experimented with fuel cell vehicles and has just started testing them.

What is required is a more collaborative, rather than competitive, effort to boost supplies of new, cleaner forms of energy. Will the current steps lead to such cooperation? Certainly, the region has sufficient talent, money and large enough markets to experiment. And the benefits will surely outweigh the efforts

The world is stupid, love is stupid, everyone's stupid.

Am I some sort of charity organisation, why can't I be compensated from somebody else for what I can do and not always have to take the do it for the nephew excuse? Stupid balloons for the stupid party. I don't want your money, I rather let my balloons rot than to always do something that you want, why is it that you cannot talk to me first?

Assumptions are all fuckups in life. That's why economics have been screwing people's life all around. I always wonder why do some of the richest people in the world like or wants to accumulate so much cash that they don't even know what to do with it anymore?

A recent article I read recently highlighted out how capital these days are so fluid, flowing around the world in the blind search of better returns, nothing wrong but such search and eventual utilisation of capital will surely consume some part of the fixed stock of resources of our little planet. Sure, recycling and alternative sources may be found but there will reach a level when the energy used to recycle or find such alternatives may exceed the benefits...argh.

Of course there comes the question of inequalities and equity issues. Is it equitable to let the frail old lady to search the garbage bin for scraps becasue she has outlived her usefulness or a.k.a marginal productivity = 0 . Of course there might be the State welfare but hey, don't capital nowadays take off to where the State decries welfarism? Interesting.

Stupid little rant. Luckily I have no idea who will be reading this piece of crap.

Feelings...

Smug: Somehow, somewhere, wrangled a free yum cha treat this saturday...and it's from a person that I've barely known well. Strange, but am thankful for such encounters.

Pondering: About that...

Miffed: At inability to get down to work when required. It's called procrastination.

Excited & in awed: At prospect of some potential projects I might embark on after this semester ends. Really hope I can get the short film screening off the ground. In awe secretly when met up with Max Stahl this evening, am hopeful I can get something going in relation with their project in Timor Leste, hopefully can get some contacts in Singapore going.

Screwed: Body clock.

What's this about Pizza?

What's this thingy about pizza?

Anyways, moi was reading the Sydney film festival guide ...felt so stupid when I couldn't find the reviews for 15...turns out they used the chinese phrase: Shi-Wu ...and I thought it was some Korean/jap show when I initially saw that title.

Bleah.

I have no real friends

Sometimes I don't know who my friends are anymore. Granted, some enlightened shit head will tell you the best friendship are those without expectations but sometimes its just so shitty.

Take this friend of mine for example, I've been pestering him to come up to Sydney at least once before he finishes his studies in Melbourne. I've made two trips down the past two years to see him, I appreciated him letting me bunk in but hey I didn't freeload. And all I wanted was to have some long time friend to be around at least once and that will make my day. It doesn't cost alot but noooo...no one can afford the bloody time.

The few friends I have made here are mostly not going to be around in July, some are staying but not much, most will be going back to Singapore or to some snowy place to ski their heads off; It's just going to be another quiet birthday this July...crap I hate my own birthday. But given that I have forgotten a dozen and a half other friends' birthdays as well, I guess I deserve it. Crap crap crap crap. I don't want to be remembered only if I met an ignominious accidental d***th...fucking crap.

And I'll most likely be stuck in the city trying to look for a job.
God damn it, whats wrong with all the employers, I ain't a bludger or a dodgy asian with some dodgy background...fucking piss.

Have you ever really fallen in love before?

have you ever really fallen in love before?
Yes, and we are now happily married
2 votes (20%)
Yes, but we did not end up as husband and wife
4 votes (40%)
No
1 votes (10%)
No (what love? men just want sex, women just want money)
3 votes (30%)

10 people have voted so far