Hazard

My mother came to Hazard when I was just seven

Even then the folks in town said with prejudiced eyes

That boy's not right

Three years ago when I came to know Mary

First time that someone looked beyond the rumors and lies

And saw the man inside

We used to walk down by the river

She loved to watch the sun go down

We used to walk along the river

And dream our way out of this town

No one understood what I felt for Mary

No one cared until the night she went awalking alone

And never came home

Man with a badge came knocking next morning

Here was I surrounded by a thousand fingers suddenly

Pointed right at me

I swear I left her by the river

I swear I left her safe and sound

I need to make it to the rive

rAnd leave this old Nebraska town

I think about my life gone by

How its done me wrong

There's no escape for me this time

All of my rescues are gone

Long gone

I swear I left her by the river

I swear I left her safe and sound

I need to make it to the river

And leave this old Nebraska town

Of the rain and horoscopes

This evening was just one of those that seemed so MTV-ish perfect.


Of the rain
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I was walking along the University main walkway out to the bus stop along Anzac Parade.
(1940 hours)

Earphones were plugged in, the radio tuned to FM 106.5 .

My trusty blue Giordano brolly held up by my aching right hand.

My legs were mechanically trudging on the wet walkway and with every step my thighs groan in protest.

It was drizzling in that kind of romantically charged atmosphere albeit with an ironic tinge of lonliness.

I could see my breathe in the cold air.

The music was so blue and the lyrics yet so poigantly true.

I contemplated walking into her direction.

I desired to call.

I so want to seek warmth from her hearth.

Then I sigh.

In the lingering wet dark, there, I wait for the blue tin can on wheels.

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Of horoscopes

I learnt that it can be really shitty.

Dour and surly look?

Apparently on the recent ski/snow boarding trip that I had over the weekend with a great bunch of people, I was described and told very much later on that I looked unhappy most of the time.

I guess this seals it for me to be an aspiring actor since I would most likely be typecast as a dour faced villain or some angry psychopath.

People, it is sometimes hard to keep a straight smiley face when your bum cheeks hurt at every cough or every time you bend down. Been falling down the slopes too many times landing on my butt. I am still incredulous that I survived all that beating, my eye hand coordination isn't that great when it comes to keeping a balance on anything that moves underneath my feet.

All in all I enjoyed the snowboarding experience at thredbo, strangely after 25 years before my first sight of snow, it wasn't that exciting for me, sad to say. Perphaps it got something to do with the recent issues I have.

Oh well, I really wanted to do a boarding trip with friends I mostly know for now and I am pretty sure I won't do it without the company since I have been putting it off for such a long time and many of them are graduating soon as well, it'll be sometime before I know another bunch of people that I want to go on a such a trip with again.

And also I was pretty upset that I kept my friends awake at night cos of my most likely sleep apnea problem which is presented with lots of loud snoring and coupled with a few unintentional brushes/accidents on the practice slopes with them (read: lots of near and direct crashes). I am a pretty sensitive soul and yeah I usually wear my feelings on my sleeves one, guess it affects people in a negative way, damn, got to try and smile more often.

And as for the recent issues, yeah it probably had a bearing on the dour and surly faceness, hey I am only human afterall and I do like to have some affections back even if its on a 'platonic' basis (which is really second choice in my books lah). Well I still find myself drawing to be nice towards her like a fly to a nice scented flower (flies in Australia pollinates the flowers more than bees do).

Life is full of stupidities and I guess I am one of them.

Twilight Zone

I feel as if I am living in a twilight zone right now.

Anonmynous comments

Ahhh...can the who-is-so-mysterious one leave an initial/name when posting comments or not har? Abit the diificult to know who is reading and posting although I know it is not one of the most favourite blog (not that I expect it so) but its nice to put an initial at least to a comment.

Arigato go-zai-mas.

P.S The sun will still shine tomorrow morning. So don't worry and be happy.

feel so tired

today is just another one of those days where I have to run on empty fuel and try to make everyone happy like a fucking prostitute who didn't really want to have sex and yet have to moan at every touch of a customer.

I don't really feel lousy or what perphaps my incompetency really is up there and I can be easily buoyed by symphathies given by the few random friends...yup that's my life, a screw up and always saved by the very few times life has decided to throw in a few mercies somewhere randomly in my direction.

And oh, I don't talk/speak/write in a very direct manner, so yeah, who cares about you reading it.

My feet aches from running round the whole day, my shoulder sours with each passing minute as my body tensions and prepares for the imaginary barrage of negativities strewn in my way. And every time I leave her room my heart sweetens and yet sours like a sweet bread gone mad during the baking process. I am so idiotic. Yeastie boy anyone?

Paralysis. Wonder why. Rationally I should get it and over done with since it will quickly allows me to lighten up and move on to someone else who can most potentially sooth my fluctuating emotions.

I really should just study and go on be a night filler at the neighbourhood Coles and entertain myself at the nearby C3. This is the ideal simplistic life I should be leading now...not some pathetic ugly bugger trying too hard in life.

And sigh, why must the one party that I would be most happy in got to be raided? Fucking dimwits aussie cops. If its any consolation, Singaporean policemen/women are a pretty anal bunch of people too. Just like their pay masters.

Blah.

Infinitely Melacholic...

I think...

Been somewhat really ridiculous lately. Can't put a finger to it or actually I rather not since it is just not worth the trouble most of the time but I am gonna blog about it vaguely anyway. Heh.

Sometimes I wonder if my old friends back home would find me a changed person or stayed the same. Which, relative to their perspective, may either be a good or a bad thing or really nothing much about it. I don't know. Should be interesting to see whether the friends here have a different take on me than the ones back home. But then no one should really gives a shit because it is of no importance since theoretically, everyone's favourite subject is about themselves/ourselves, really.

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Wanted to post something I wrote a long time ago while back in Brunei but can't find it for now...seems that Iost it somewhere...bugger.

Why do I...

feel so vexed?

Just now.

This issue should have died off. I guess I have already cooled off considerably prior to the trip  thanks to exhortations from a certain friend but somehow my feelings was inflamed somewhat during the whole process. And I am now feeling positively like an idiot and yet at the same time pissed that I am neglected from the group just now (my perspective and its my feelings so I don't give a damn).

Why must she always do this to me, leaving me to pick up most of the work...and the fact that it leaves me positively feeling negative about some issues and all that intertwining iffy litle thing called friendship(s) ( I know I am not making sense here). Does this make me a justifiably pissed idiot then?

Okok the work part is about some silly little thing call some tri or quadruple uni games which happens to necessarily need to be held VERY SOON in another weeks time.  I only got the notice just a little bit before midnight when I called her and she in passing mentioned it to me WHEN she was at mutual friend's place tonight with the other members of the gang. Why do I feel jealous suddenly of a good friend? Sigh...Maybe its cos he seems flirty around her sometimes...and it bothers me that I am bothered about that. This is so very stupid cos there were very legit reasons for her to go there and its not even my end of the business to care.

Am I really a klutz? Am I really that stupid? Am I some sort of an undesirable leper? Why am I sometimes so jealous of others, for their gifts, for their natural ability to attract other attractive people, is it the power of positivity or something more about such people? How much longer can I keep on trying to play the role of a jealous sidekick in life ( there must be a reason why Robin didn't stick around with Batman for all that long).

I don't know. Am I normal? Do I have to wonder about myself constantly so much that it seems so very narcissistic? Why do I habour such a dark side? Perphaps I tend to take too much shit from others or even worse, create the shit and give it to other people to hurl it back at me at light speed.

Laterz, more rantz to come.

Stupid me.

Back from Port Stephen

Back this evening.

It was pretty enjoyable overall. Spent loads of money I wouldn't have otherwise spend but for the heck of it I did.

Now currently wandering around in post holiday tramautic mood.

Confused with many things now, of some people around me I still don't get, of my university career, it looks deadset confusingly tangled; unsure of the value of some subjects I am taking.

Laterz.

 

Digicam and birthday

Just collected me new replacement (sobs...ouch) digital camera from Dale, who did a ery rushed shopping for me back in good ole Singapore *touched*.

Treating it as the most expensive birthday present I ever gave to myself...lalala. And oh, I turned a bloody 25 years of age just now...and still don't feel none the more mature for it. I still walk with an occasional kiddy skip in my step...does that mean I am still very childish?

And oh, I have made a wish that if I were to have a girlfriend, she must be like her...*drools*

*coughs* Happy Birthday to me!

Nippon name

My japanese name is 中島 Nakashima (center of the island) 翼 Tsubasa (wing).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

That's the Hanyu Pinyin one, here's the dialect one

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 直樹 Naoki (straight tree).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Kaname chan.....

Sighh...I have this tendency to fall in love with animes...think the real world is too bland sometimes. Which is somewhat ironic since the world of animes actually involve lots of bloodshed, tears, traumatising past or experiences, weird enemies etc. Whew.

Anyway, latest love is Full Metal Panic in all its installations, basically love it for the chemistry between Chidori and Sagara. I think I behave like Sagara sometimes, not knowing what to do in the company of females, except I am not a military fanboy otaku.

Its ok, Sagara can keep Chidori (dream girl), I can go for Tessa...wooooo.

Sad, I need a life.

Thumping headache

Got this little achy headache now...must be because there's still this assignment hanging over my head. Damn it...and I have still yet to see my flexipass tickets in the mailbox yet AND stupid ATM machine ate my card today for absolutely no reason at all. Luckily managed to get it sort out all within 45 minutes time. Amazing record for Aussie efficiency I tell ya. Although I have to wait till next week before a new card comes in.

Ha ha ha

From www.talkingcock.com:


CUM IN ME SINGAPORE
[Sung to the tune of Count On Me Singapore, alternate lyrics by Kok Kok Klan]

There is a new law for us to follow
Just believe, just believe
We must make love for Singapore
To make babies, to make babies
Boys and girls, let's do our part
Stand together, butt to butt
Our birth rate is getting low, and we must stop it
To make babies, to make babies

There is a need to know sex is good and ain't a sorrow
So let's drop our pants and do what Steve Chia died for
I ejaculated in your ass, it's a disaster Singapore shares
Stop oral and anal sex, oh horny you and me
Let’s make babies, let’s make babies

Cum in me Singapore, cum in me and on my ass no more

Boys and girls, don't poke your butts,
Fark together, test your luck
Our birth rate is getting low, and we must stop it
To make babies, to make babies

Chorus:
Cum in me Singapore, cum in me Singapore
Cum in me and on my ass no more

(Repeated Chorus)

Cum in me Singapore Singapore (FADE OUT)

And more are coming...

One down....

And one more major essay to go (plus one little tutorial journal)! I will conquer it! Thou shalt not SLACK!

Published letter on Today paper

I am amazed they actually published it. I even made some civilised insults in the original letter I sent, oh well, I leave it as it is.

I refer to the letter, "Give each S'pore family $500" (Today, May 31) by Mr Tan Kin Lian.
.
His call for Singapore's currency to be devalued is short sighted and reveals many fallacies of thought. More importantly, it does not consider the inflationary effects of such devaluation on the country.
.
There will be no magical rush in the numbers of tourists or a sudden rise in demand for our exports just because our currency is weaker.
.
Many factors are at play including the relative price elasticity of our goods vis-à-vis our competitors.
.
Our neighbours will always give more bang for the buck when it comes to tourist dollars — think beautiful natural beaches and friendly people, versus dour sales assistants at many of our shopping centres.
.
T** **** M***



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On an unrelated note, yeah got screwed by my groupmates for slacking...oh well, too bad, I got them the company to interview and they don't know how many hours I spent prior to the final part of the project just searching for the relevant articles so as to let them understand the industry. Sian. I am not a scholar material cos I choose to slack. How's that?

Natural bordom

From the princton career review:

Career interests

People with green Interests like job responsibilities and occupations that involve persuasion, sales, promotions, and group or personal contact. People with green Interests enjoy activities that include: motivating, mediating, selling, influencing, consensus building, persuading, delegating authority, entertaining, and lobbying. These Interests often lead to work in marketing, advertising, training, therapy, consulting, teaching, law, and public relations.



Career Style

People with yellow styles perform their job responsibilities in a manner that is orderly and planned to meet a known schedule. They prefer to work where things get done with a minimum of interpretation and unexpected change. People with a yellow style tend to be orderly, cautious, structured, loyal, systematic, solitary, methodical, and organized, and usually thrive in a research-oriented, predictable, established, controlled, measurable, orderly environment. You will want to choose a work environment or career path in which your style is welcomed and produces results.


By the way people, anyone who wants to make comments can just click on the timestamp at the end of each post.

Life's like that huh...

Read an email last night during one of my regular midnight hour internet surfings, an old time friend had died in a freak fire accident. It was in the news and of course gossip fodder for the tabloids.

I didn't really know what to feel or think, so I just picked up the phone and made calls across distances that usually takes seven hour by SQ planes. I hadn't seen that friend for more than a couple of years already and I have always been harping on to a mutual friend of ours that I would look them up whenever I go back for the holidays. But I didn't.

Cue those comments for life is like that, life is fated and blah blah blah...

The thing is, I didn't really feel all that sad but neither am I exuberantly excited (yeah that would be really perverse), but it did gave me a good excuse to make some calls back to inform some of our old mutual friends; just to hear familar voices for that comfort, to touch the distant memories, to reassure myself that there are some of those whom I care about are still around.

My friend did not have an easy life, well comparatively to her and most of my peers. She had a mind of her own and can be safely said to be obstinate with most things we disagreed on. But the last time I ever talked to her over the phone was really ages ago. With me coming and going away from Singapore, somehow I lose touch with some of the friends who didn't really deserve to be dropped, well, it wasn't on purpose, people drift away and I accept that. I hope, that for all her troubles and worries she had in her life before yesterday morning, that she did not at any point felt that she lived her life in vain, for she had left that little imprint on the hearts of her friends.

It's been done

Dear Mr Tan,

Thank you for choosing Ticketek, Australia's leading entertainment and sporting ticketing agency.

This email is to confirm tickets have been purchased for:

Event: Flexi-Pass
Date: Fri 11 - Sat 26 Jun 2004
Venue: State Theatre
Section: S10PASS
Row: -
Seats: -

Current status

Eyes tired, relying on massive doses of caffiene and sugar and that V to keep me going. The buses windows are all having a go at my head whenever I take the window seat...there's a reason why I wouldn't want to drive, I'll probably contribute to the accident statistics.

Two presentations to go and they are all happening this week...how did I ever let myself talk myself into doing this. Bleah. Sigh, should stop watching Shane's Kang Xi's dvd during the next one month.